Halfway through the wedding preps though, my heart has been pruned and so we decided not to splurge or focus much on the wedding which is a one-day affair but on marriage which is for a lifetime.
It has been a month since the start of our lives together. I wanted to write that everything is perfect, blissful, complete. But it’s not. Truth is, just few minutes before writing this entry, we were in a mini argument. Haha. But that’s one thing I like about this marriage thing – you can be your worst self, not trying to please the other one anymore (like when you were in the disillusionment stage) and still be accepted. And one of the best part? Humility. Just a few minutes after him blowing up his horn because he was irritated at BIR’s inconveniences, he texted a humble sorry because of what he just showed (with an explanation of why, haha). With “monthsary pa naman natin” in the end. Hehe. If it was on the early onset of our togetherness, I might have conked out on him also. But marriage has taught me one thing that I’m still in the process of learning more – unselfishness. (Kung makapagsalita kala mo, 5 years na kinasal, Haha.) Or should I say – wag makipagsabayan when things are heating up.
But how I longed for this state. Being married. This status is just starting to sink on me. It’s weird when I think everything’s still as is but at the same time knowing that a lot has changed. That what I signed of is for eternity. I could not yet wrap my mind about it, it amazes and terrifies me the same time. How being married is like one of the most natural thing to do, a milestone almost everyone wants to achieve but never having enough time to prepare for it. Unlike our careers, we have 4-5 years of specialization in college but being a wife – a worthy and a Proverbs 31 woman at that – we only have like certain seminars before the wedding and that’s it. You learn and perform at the same time. You commit mistakes and strive harder next time, or on rare moments, you just regret. But this should be the part we should be most prepared of. And so, a lot of marriages fail. But why am I so cynical now? :D
Lately, the common question from friends has one theme – how is married life, so far? Maybe out of courtesy or they are just curious how I am doing as a wife, and I find myself peeking at my heart. My common response is this – joyful. Joyful that even though I am tasked to do the laundry (that I am not doing when I was single. Haha), I find unspeakable joy to serve my husband. After all, it’s not all the time I can do this for him. Joyful that even though I need to wake up earlier when he requests me to cook for him, I willingly oblige myself to. After all, I can’t do this for him when he’s away. Him being a seafarer, I wanted to make the most of every moment that I’m with him. Even though there are moments when I really wanted to strangle him out of disappointment and irritation, haha. I still commit to love and cherish the husband God has blessed me with. It’s not every day I will be irritated after all. Joyful to sleep next to my human pillow. I once told him that since we’ve been married, I feel like my sleep was sounder and fuller. I feel at ease, protected. Joyful to hear his corniest and craziest jokes and to roll my eyes up in frustration. But joyful and grateful to have such a humble and patient husband. Every day, I learn to be more patient because of him. (Of course, not counting BIR transactions. Haha. He hates it.)
Grateful to have that long work leave after the wedding for almost a month that I got to be with my husband 24/7. I feel like I’ve never been closed to a human like this before. We were bonded and attached so much that we had a hard time when we need to be apart for a whole day. Those days were like the foundation of this marriage, love deposits we can withdraw from if things get a bit shaky (which I hope will not). Oh, how this marriage has filled my heart with love I’ve never imagined I can feel. And it has only been a month. I hope to journal the things this marriage will teach me with the goal of continuously improving myself as a wife. Til we’re old and gray.
Happy 1st month, my love. Here’s to continously exploring the best God has for our marriage!
Marriage could be the riskiest thing one can bet her life with.