May 2017 thoughts

 

So what do you do when your plans do not go the way you want it to be? What do you do if you feel pressed on both sides and stretched too much more than you thought possible? What do you do if all your hopes seem disappearing and your heart feels heavy for carrying too much love, too much responsibilities? What do you do if y our faith is dwindling and you lose the very same thing that helped you before. That relationship that has been the foundation of your life. What do you do when envy creeps in, making you forget your worth, your blessings, your glorious future? What do you do when you just lost your willingness to love? When you know in your head what you need to do in times like this. You have mastered it, you have advised it to your friends, you have read and heard it all over again but your heart just won’t cooperate. The former positive, full-of-life me is gone. And I do not know if she will ever come back. She wants to and she strives hard to, but her heart is still fragile and coward.

What do you do when even writing your thoughts seem like a chore? What if you just don’t want to hope anymore? Because hoping exposes your heart once more, because hoping means you are up for disappointment once again. When even the most inspiring stories can’t inspire you and even the most motivating words are useless to you? I’m searching for answers and I don’t know if an answer will right away be given to me. For now, I rest.

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