I’m actually staring for a long time in a blank MS word document with the cursor blinking and waiting for my instructions to press on the keyboard before I can actually start this. Because as of now, I do not have any marvelous feat to tell, nor an inspiring story to share. My mind has been wandering for weeks, restless, looking for answers, seeking for comfort. And yes, I have decided to pour this out, actually wishing that this could just be it. This could make me settle, I may still put positive vibes on this.
I’ve been almost a month in my new work now and thankfully no tinge of regret so far though I’m still adjusting. Perhaps one of the greatest challenges is adopting (or re-creating?) the culture in the office. On my first day I was greeted with officemates who takes English as their normal conversation language, foreign bosses and business partners, technical Engineering terms, and lifestyles way beyond mine. (Did I mention those who own a car far outnumbers us who do not?) But they were indeed great people despite their social lifestyles.
I have been frustrated, infuriated on myself actually, and my self esteem slowly departing. And so I pause and reflect. Why am I trying so hard to prove that I am worthy to be here? Then I start to dislike myself when I encountered mistakes I’ve made. Like the last one when I mistakenly sent the wrong diagram to my manager who trustingly sent those to the big bosses (yes, MVP included), or that I forgot to exclude the parenthesis (which notes the balance is a negative) as I review funding requests, or that instance when I forgot to include certain activities which are needed to be reviewed by my co-team member.
Yet through it all, I’ve seen God’s hands work. The mistake I made with the diagram? I was ranting on myself but my manager, after telling me that we sent the wrong diagram, completely forgot about it. Yes, without any shouting or blaming involved. Then my manager also reminded me that I forgot about the parenthesis and just asked me to revise. Again, no ill feelings despite her being so stressed. And the activities I forgot to include, my co-team member initiated to ask me if those I excluded weren’t really needed. I actually was so ashamed of my mistake; I did not know how to correct it but it still happened. So my realizations and blessings for my first month in my new work are:
1. Never doubt what you are worth. Always remember you are a priceless gem in God’s eyes, no matter what clothes you wear, what language you speak, or whether you drive a car or not.
2. You give yourself offense when you are not true to yourself. God gave you a unique personality so use that to bless the world. In my case, I’m a little laidback and timid. So I do my best when I listen and smile. You cannot 100% serve God if you are not 100% you. So I take off all my pretensions and just be me.
3. Life is much better when you are surrounded by people who are forgiving. And I’m encouraged to be forgiving, too.
4. Lastly and most importantly – When God calls you out to do something; He has actually prepared all you’ll need for you to victoriously overcome every possible fall. He has His grace poured out to you. All you need to do is cooperate to His grace. He is in control yesterday as much as He is in control of your today and tomorrow.
That’s it. Honestly, I did not know how this article would go, unlike the previous ones for which I had a mind map on. Surely, God prodded me to make this one. This turn into a lighter ending.
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose to them.” – Romans 8:28