The Theory of Equivalent Exchange by tjmonsi

*Just want to share this very wonderful essay by someone in the Kerygma family forum. I have been so inspired I decided to copy-paste it here. Actually, the real purpose is that I can have this as well, and be reminded of this wonderful fact.

“I have this relationship theory that I’ve been thinking about.
Although this theory is primarily built on the premise of a romantic or loving boy-girl relationship, It can also be used in friendship, family and other kinds of relationship but in a different level.
But for this, I’ll have to focus on the boy-girl or in a matured sense, man-woman relationship.

My theory is entitled: “The Theory of Equivalent Exchange”. Based on the classic law from the Anime series, Full Metal Alchemist.

This theory is not of my own in the first place. It is because that it was unconsciously done by (veteran) couples and although the foundations of this theory was discussed by preachers and speakers before, I would like to just name it just for the sake of giving it a name for establishment.

The theory states that “for the exchange to take place, the two key players of the relationship must be somehow complete first before they give it to each other.  As for this, they will take what the other has given and the cycle goes on. Because of their completeness, and their readiness, the give-and-take cycle becomes a natural process, like breathing and eating.”

Do you understand the theory? I’ll explain further…
In simple terms, realistically, to have a good start in a relationship (and also a good flow in a relationship), you have to be ready and complete, maturity-wise in terms of physical, spiritual and most especially emotional, before you dive into a relationship. You cannot give what you do not have.

Now why give? To answer that, I have to make an example. An immatured relationship would have two people always after their own good, their own selves. An immatured relationship would be composed of at least 1 person who is immatured.

And an immatured person (although this is just a part) is always not complete and not ready. In a way, one doesn’t know one’s self. Thus, making him “incomplete” and often times finds someone who could “complete” him or her.

If one knows one’s self, he  finds completeness and contentment. If one finds himself complete and content, he finds joy. And by sharing joy equals more joy. That is why we need to give one’s self. Because it is really not the need to complete you but the need to share your complete self, your joyful state that you feel more joy.
Also when one knows one’s self, he knows what he needs. Thus, finding the right partner (without quotation marks) will be easy because you know what to find for a partner. Thus, once you found that partner, only little and minor adjustments will be made for a good, realistic, exciting, joyful, steady and loving relationship.

Given these, if the 2 key players in the relationship are matured enough, one will not feel the need to look after one’s self if he or she is fulfilled. Why? Because their needs are fulfilled unconsiously by their partner who gives themselves to them, leaving them more oppurtunity to give themselves to their partners more and vice-versa. This often overlooked phenomena was the reason why people stick together. It is because it becomes a natural process for them to give rather than to look after themselves and their needs. It becomes natural to look after their partner’s needs because they are confident that their partner will look after their needs.   That is where the cycle of love happens. You give what you have, you get what you the other gives. Equivalent exchange.

The last thing is why take? To take is to appreciate what is given. Appreciation is a response. Which is also to give. To take something is to give a response of saying ‘Thank You for giving your Love to me.” By saying that, the giver is more energized to give you more of that. Because you gave the giver due praise that he deserves. Which is true for that person because the giver becomes the reciever when you also give your love in return. You will be giving if the reciever appreciates you and praises you.

So now, we have discussed the semi-nitty-gritty-stuff of this theory. complete-give-take topic. To end this, I will end it in full circle. Before we are to be complete, we have to ask for help from someone to complete us. And that Someone is here. He is Big. He is Strong. And He is Complete beyond reasonable doubt. He will give you Love. This Love, when felt by your heart, brings joy. And this joy you will want to share, right? Especially to the one you love… that special someone in your life. Always ask the Father for that Love in all your relationships. Make Jesus your first Special Someone, so that when he lavishly and generously gives you His overflowing Love, you will not contain it that you have no choice but to share it to your special someone… your partner in Christ.”


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